TLDR: If material wealth and security were enough for happiness, this would be a happier nation. Rather than material wealth and security, we as human beings need genuine purpose in order for our bright nature to shine.
THE QUESTION
Most of us reading here are fairly comfortable. How to judge that? If you have a cell phone. Or buy an outside coffee a few times a week. Or travel on vacation now and then. And so on. And for many people, that is below even what they consider a bare minimum for a comfortable or “successful” life.
When talking about comfort, I am not talking about absence of all financial worries, but being able to manage, having a roof over your head and enough to eat, even if that may require some government or food pantry help.
There is nothing wrong with having material comfort, as long as that does not become an obsession. But more important, what is your purpose for living and for taking action, day after day, and how big is that purpose?
The question I want to raise today is not about what is experienced day after day by many other people all over the world: no or limited clean water, constant threatening hunger, and conflict including violence in one’s community or country. Instead, the question is this: with all the comfort and convenience we live with, why are we not all just happy? And what does this tell us about our human nature?
We now have computers that give us the convenience to access, in some form, the whole world including friends and family who are far away. We can attend meetings anywhere. We can see entertainment and information on streaming, cable, and broadcast. Eat good food, get the exercise we need. And we accomplish digital tasks quicker than anyone thought possible, right from our computers or smartphones at home or wherever we are.
But most of us know that something is not quite right, not comfortable, not complete, and at times (or even frequently) most people experience depression, anxiety, or other struggles having to do with finding peace and meaning.
Why, in the middle of plenty, is there a struggle to find peace and meaning? That is a fundamental question.
SOME INFORMATION
If you are feeling totally fulfilled and peaceful at this moment, this article may not be for you. On the other hand, you may be interested in what other people are experiencing, or what you might experience in the future. I hope you can think of it that way.
I will provide some history of quite interesting research and wisdom relating to this topic.
First, there was a famous mouse study by researcher John B. Calhoun in the 1960s and 1970s, often called Universe 25 or the Mouse Utopia. In that experiment, the scientist built a perfect world for mice with unlimited food, water, and nesting space. There were no predators or diseases. Despite having all their basic physical needs met, after initially expanding in numbers the colony completely collapsed and every animal died.
There have been many interpretations of this experiment over the years, but one interpretation is that the mice felt no stress and no purpose, and as a result became so apathetic that they did not even reproduce. You can read more here about the experimental setup as well as a discussion of what the results mean.
Second, coming back to people: famous psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, who was especially known for his work with children, described the need of children to have some degree of stress and discomfort in their lives so that they would develop resilience to meet the realities of life. He said similar environmental needs apply to adults. Here is an article concerning that idea.
If living in dire poverty, or needing to fight in a war to prevent domination by cruel forces, working towards financial success and towards freedom are often a good-enough motivator to be felt as purpose, and enough. We saw that in the so-called Greatest Generation of the United States, born early in the twentieth century, who dealt with the Great Depression as well as with World War II.
But in a world where life is relatively easy and unthreatened, where does purpose come from? That is the question for our times.
Third, Viktor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor, psychotherapist, and creator of Logotherapy, wrote on the topic of meaning:
I often say, if survival was the most fundamental need, people would not sacrifice their lives for a loved one, or on behalf of a nation at war, or for other values they believe in strongly. Maslow got it wrong.
You can see additional short summaries of his ideas here.
Fourth and last, for a set of studies on the benefits of having purpose in life, and its impact on happiness and longevity, you can read multiple articles here on the value of having purpose.
AN ANSWER
Each person, to achieve their potential for peace and meaning, and joy, in this life, needs to find their real purpose, and not a made-up or superficial challenge. And real purpose is always an active process, not just a static achievement. Superficial purposes, such as gaining wealth, fame, or power, never lead in themselves to deep satisfaction.
What is a real purpose that can satisfy our need for meaning?
Mindfulness is not enough; mindfulness is not meant to be a mental Olympic endurance sport. But when we are mindful of our immediate surroundings AND connected to the bigger world, we see the suffering going everywhere, and we can start to let go of our own problems. That is true mindfulness!
Our mind expands and finds the reward and relief of sharing in the experience of others, being part of the greater humanity. Finding our own freedom matches perfectly with the extent we are able to make life better for others. In other words, we are literally all in this together. A rising lake lifts all boats.
It took me a long time to realize this! And when individuals fail to understand all this from the bottom of the heart, quality of life is reduced.
True mindfulness flows from our efforts to pay attention to the reality of our world, and to become aware of the impermanence of our thoughts, our accomplishments, and our lives. In that context our mindfulness connects with and leads to compassion, wisdom, and ethical living, and is no longer a solo pursuit.
Mental habits and memories from our past can create some barriers to being our best selves, but with continued effort over time, we can overcome and transform the past, and create our best selves in the present. That has been my experience.
WHAT IS NEXT
I had a discussion not too long ago with a client when she asked where stable peace and meaning are, while already having every indicator of success in relationships and in work. We had also been looking at her childhood traumas.
My response was that lasting, stable peace and satisfaction come not from only wrestling with one’s childhood and other traumas, although that can be helpful along the path of growth, but ultimately we need to see our own inherent ability to make a difference, to be helpful, and to actually lead by example, moment by moment and day by day. That is our true freedom.
We can do all that while not losing our own way, while respecting the limits of our energy and clarity, by taking enough time to replenish our inner resources of calm, optimisim, and generosity.
Have you considered these matters? How do you stay focused, moment by moment? When all your needs are met, are you totally at peace and satisfied? And what can you do to move yourself forward with meeting those needs that we each have?
