Get The Newsletter
Book an appointment

Where Freud and Zen Agree About Happiness

TO LOVE AND TO WORK

What do you think Sigmund Freud and Zen agree on?

There is an expression attributed to Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis. The quote was supposedly a response to the inquiry: “What is necessary for a person to be happy? The famous response according to Erik Erikson was “to love and to work” (in German, lieben und arbeiten).

There is a profound principle that goes back thousands of years, and that has been promoted by figures in our modern world as well, including Sigmund Freud. A coming article will discuss more specifically HOW to fulfill the potential of to love and to work.

Although Freud never actually stated this compact formulation in his own writings, Erik Erikson, also a famous psychoanalyst, attributed that quote to Freud. What does that phrase mean to us, and how does the ability “to love and to work” relate to happiness? That is the most important discussion.

BEING PRACTICAL

Notice that the Freud expression is not that “love” is important i.e. being loved or falling in love, but “to love” as a verb: we create and express love in life; that is what is important!

And what is “to work”? It is also a verb, and has a special meaning. Having a job is one expression of “to work”, but it may be a very partial aspect of the full meaning. Raising mature, kind children into adulthood is certainly also an expression of “to work”. Doing something with positive impact in the world is to work.

Examples of how to love and to work come together are everywhere. Here are two examples:

  • At the supermarket checkout counter, I pay attention to the person at the register and might see that they look tired. Then, I might say, “Has it been a long day?” That person is likely to feel seen, and feel that they matter. Which they do!

  • A parent at home with a teenager, after school, is ignored and told to leave the teen’s room. The parent could feel offended, or hurt, or angry at being “disrespected”, but instead tunes in to the teen and says, in a firm but sincere way: “I can tell from your tone of voice that you are upset about something. I would like to know what that is, if you are willing to tell me.”

These are examples; of course, every situation in life is slightly different and may require a unique response suited to the moment.

IN OTHER WORDS…

I compare insight and action to the two sides of a coin: they are two sides, but they are one coin. The famous Möbius strip will never exist; it is an imaginary one-sided object. There are also no one-sided coins. And we cannot separate awareness and action.

Another image: we use two feet to walk; we cannot walk with only the left foot (to love) or only the right foot (to work). You can reverse left and right here, the meaning is the same: they work together. If either one is left behind, we can no longer move forward.

THE ZEN OF IT ALL, or ZEN, MEET FREUD; FREUD, MEET ZEN

Now, a connection with Zen concepts and practices. It is an important connection!

Having studied Zen for a lifetime, and being a psychotherapist, I see a direct connection of “to love and to work” with the central Zen Buddhist concept and practice of samadhi and prajna. Buddhism originated about 2,500 years ago, and from the start has spoken of both self-knowledge and doing good in the world.

In Zen, an approach within Buddhism, the word “samadhi” refers to deep opening of the mind to its essence, leading to spaciousness and true freedom, including freedom from suffering. It is analogous to “to love.”

The word “prajna” refers to wisdom, also translated as “insight”; prajna leads to naturally expressing oneself skillfully and effectively in daily life, making life better for all through compassionate and insightful choices. It is analogous to “to work”.

Samadhi and prajna are different aspects of the same Essence of the Mind — like the two sides of a coin, or a left and a right foot.

BRINGING IT TOGETHER

Coming back to “to love and to work”, the expression “to love” clearly goes beyond romantic / sexual love or even familial love and attachment, although those experiences are included in the full meaning of love. “To love” is first and foremost an active mindset, not a static feeling.

“To love” is generosity, kindness, empathy, and dropping excessive focus on one’s own well-being. It is a natural expression of our nature, and the benefit extends to all, including oneself.

“To work” clearly goes beyond “to have a job”. It refers to making a positive impact through wise expression moment by moment and day by day. It is kindness to fellow workers or customers or vendors when at a job; it is mindfully raising children; it is authenticity in our relationships; and it is care for and respect for material things and for the planet.

It is living mindfully and choosing words and actions carefully. “To work” is a state of readiness to respond fully to the needs of the moment, taking action as needed–and to be able to rest when there is nothing to do.

If we can truly understand the meaning of “to love and to work” and make that understanding part of our lives, we can feel peace and joy in the daytime, and sleep deeply in the nighttime.

I enjoy working with thoughtful individuals from all walks of life. Psychotherapy sessions are available online across New York State, and in person in Roslyn Heights, NY; leadership work is available for those living anywhere English is spoken. A free 15-minute consultation is available for those curious about working together. All inquiries are confidential.